spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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