true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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