sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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