This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
