i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
