To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
