i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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