Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize