I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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