i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
