i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
