i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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