how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
