I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
