my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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