But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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