"it" just moved
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
