After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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