The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My vagina is officially offended.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
