She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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