I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
