Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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