she smelled like a LAN party
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
