Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She needs sedatives and a leash
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
