once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
