i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
