I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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