im six kinds of drunk right now
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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