I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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