i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
