So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
