I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
