She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
