Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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