i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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