Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
