Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
