i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
this boner is exhausting
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
