My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Never joke about your clitoris.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
