I'm so fucking centered right now
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
