her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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