party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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