so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
God, I missed his penis.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
