Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
