stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I think my fart just growled at me.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
