So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
