She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
