i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
