i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
This is classic penis vs brain.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
