So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
