id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i drank out of a bidet.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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