I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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