if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize