dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
