We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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