also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
