So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
now i know why i became what i already was.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
