what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize