After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
