"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize