it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
