I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
