Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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