didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
