I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
