don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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