Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
we made out on top of his cat.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
